SOCIAL INTELLIGENCE
from: tutorialspoint.com/social_intelligence/index.htm
Social Intelligence is the
human Capacity to use our brains to effectively navigate through complex
emotional situations and negotiate different social relationships.
It is an ability that
helps us adjust according to different working environments.
In this world two
individuals are born distinct from each other, and are different in their ways
of thinking and interpreting the world. So this is the reason behind difference
of opinions.
Even with difference of opinions
and unique ways of looking at problems, we can’t deny the fact that we are all social
beings and we have to interact with others. we need to grow and relate to
others for growth, knowledge, awareness and survival. This process of
interacting with different people teaches us the essential skill of adaption. We
learn to make adjustments in our lifestyle by relating to other people. We need
to adapt constantly under various situations to sustain and maintain our
relationships. Our self-confidence, self-esteem , and self- awareness are all
influenced by our interactions with other people.
What is Social Intelligence?
Human Ability of Decoding
the happenings of the world and responding to it likewise. Social intelligence
is also the capability to act wisely while maintaining human relations.
Types of Intelligence:
i.
Abstract
intelligence: understanding non-verbal ideas and expressing them verbally.
ii.
Mechanical
Intelligence: understand how a machine works or what would make a specific
machine work
iii.
Social
Intelligence: found in successful managers and marketing people. They know how
to find their own in group of people and they are always ready with proper
responses to every query. In other words, they know how to be the people’s
person.
Social Intelligence also
known as Interpersonal Intelligence.
Importance of Social Intelligence:
i.
Used to grow
in career
ii.
More friends,
more relationships and know how to nurture a relationship.
We live in society and come
in contact with people with different thoughts and personalities every day. While
meeting these people with different social and psychological, characteristics, we
experience happiness, sorrow, misunderstandings, agreements, quarrels, and
other different emotions.
If we don’t know how to
handle these feelings , we will tend to avoid these people who make us feel
uncomfortable. That in turn, will make us appear unfriendly to those people,
many of whom could be important people in our lives.
Applying Social Intelligence:
EQ and IQ:
Emotional Quotient,
Intelligence Quotient.
A person’s IQ tells us his
level of intelligence and information processing speed, it is person’s EQ that
puts him in control of his feelings and teaches him to handle complex
situations.
Being flexible increases
your understanding power and helps you develop smooth and productive working
relationships with co-workers.
Book: Social Intelligence
by Daniel Goleman
The manner in which a
person can influence others through his physical appearance, mood, body
language , even the space he occupies in the room has a bearing upon the others
and are clues to the way the person desires to be talked to, listened to, and respected.
A socially intelligent
person knows that empathizing with them is just feeding to their negative
self-esteem, hence he will steer clear of getting too involved in giving
suggestions to them. On the contrary, he will stick to the point and send
polite reminders about the work that needs to be done.
Body Language Work Sheet:
S.I.
|
Non-verbal
Actions
|
Interpretations
|
1.
|
Smiling
|
|
2.
|
Smiling
with raised eyebrows
|
|
3.
|
Rolling
eyes with smiling
|
|
4.
|
Rolling
eyes without smiling
|
|
5.
|
Shrugging
shoulders while answering a question
|
|
6.
|
Shrugging
shoulders while asking a question
|
|
7.
|
Stretching
your arms sideways while speaking
|
|
8.
|
Looking
down while saying something
|
|
9.
|
Hand
held up with palm facing you
|
|
10.
|
Hands
with palm facing down while explaining
|
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11.
|
Waving
to someone
|
|
12.
|
Tapping
someone on the shoulders
|
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13.
|
Holding
someone’s hand
|
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14.
|
Standing
close to someone
|
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15.
|
Winking
at a friend
|
|
16.
|
Crossing
arms while taking feedback
|
|
17.
|
Shaking
hands without a firm grip
|
|
18.
|
Yawning
while listening to someone
|
|
19.
|
Drumming
table with fingers, waiting for lunch
|
|
20.
|
Placing
hand over mouth on hearing something
|
|
21.
|
Swinging
feet and tapping feet to music
|
|
22.
|
Crossing
legs while in a meeting
|
|
23.
|
Nodding
the head up and down while listening
|
|
24.
|
Turning
the head side to side while listening
|
|
25.
|
Whistling
while walking alone
|
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26.
|
Clapping
on listening to something
|
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27.
|
Scratching
your head when asked a question
|
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28.
|
Showing
an outstretched palm to a speeding car
|
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29.
|
Wagging
one foot while keeping it on a knee
|
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30.
|
Raising
hand inside a classroom
|
|
31.
|
Looking
elsewhere when someone talks to you
|
|
32.
|
Keeping
hands in your pocket while talking
|
|
33.
|
Rubbing
the neck when asked about something
|
|
34.
|
Cracking
fingers while at work
|
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35.
|
Looking
around waiting in the reception area
|
Emotional Quotient:
Experts identified a few
core competencies that enhanced an individual’s Emotional Quotient and his
aptitude for successful business. They are as follows
i.
Self-Awareness:
This is the ability to
recognize your feelings and understand your emotional reactions, and how they
influence your behavior and performance. It helps people get an idea of the
perception they create in other people’s minds. A self-aware person is both confident
of his own abilities and mindful of his current limitations.
ii.
Handling emotions − People who know how to manage their
feelings can keep calm under tremendous emotional pressure. This is essential
to develop as a responsible employee who doesn’t shirk away from being held
accountable for the team’s performance. This prevents them from taking hasty
decisions which they might regret later.
iii.
Self-motivation − The ability to motivate yourself in face
of adversity is the hallmark of a perseverant individual. People who can put a
positive spin on their negative emotions and end up as performers are prized in
organizations.
iv.
Empathy − Empathy is the quality of putting
yourself in other people’s shoes and knowing where the shoe pinches.
Understanding the problems of others by thinking of them as your own will not
only help you in earning their respect but also taking a just decision.
v.
Resilience − In today’s world, resilience is a very
important quality to have. Someone who can beat all the odds through his perseverance
is a winner all the way. A resilient person can adapt to a changing environment
and have a broad vision to understand the trends that are going to be followed.
EQ :
Questionnaire:
This
self-assessment questionnaire is designed to engage you in finding out your key
emotional intelligence traits and your Emotional Quotient. Try to stay as
emotionally neutral as possible while you attempt this questionnaire; your
selection of answers will change depending on the mood you are in while
answering the questions.
·
Score 1 = Statement never
applies to you.
·
Score 3 = Statement sometimes
apples to you.
·
Score 5 = Statement always
applies to you.
S.I.
|
Statements
to Consider
|
1
|
2
|
3
|
4
|
5
|
1.
|
I
immediately know when I become angry.
|
|||||
2.
|
I can
handle bad situations fast.
|
|||||
3.
|
I am
self-motivating.
|
|||||
4.
|
I see
the problem someone faces from his point of view.
|
|||||
5.
|
I
have good listening skills.
|
|||||
6.
|
I
know when I am in a good mood.
|
|||||
7.
|
I
have a control on my emotions.
|
|||||
8.
|
I can
prioritize between a set of important tasks.
|
|||||
9.
|
I
easily empathize with others when I listen to their issues.
|
|||||
10.
|
I
always let other complete their sentences before I speak.
|
|||||
11.
|
I
like knowing new people and making new friends.
|
|||||
12.
|
I
realize when I am feeling stress.
|
|||||
13.
|
Others
find it difficult to know my mood.
|
|||||
14.
|
I am
good at meeting deadlines.
|
|||||
15.
|
I
immediately know when someone is unhappy with me.
|
|||||
16.
|
I am
good at meeting with different type of people.
|
|||||
17.
|
I can
recognize my emotions.
|
|||||
18.
|
I
rarely lose my temper when dealing with difficult people.
|
|||||
19.
|
I
always utilize time.
|
|||||
20.
|
I can
tell when people are not getting along well.
|
|||||
21.
|
I
like interacting with people and talking to them.
|
|||||
22.
|
I can
know when and why I am anxious.
|
|||||
23.
|
I
don’t get annoyed with difficult people.
|
|||||
24.
|
I do
not give ambiguous messages or signals.
|
|||||
25.
|
I
realize when people start being unreasonable with me.
|
|||||
26.
|
I
realize when I am being difficult.
|
|||||
27.
|
I can
change my mood when I want to.
|
|||||
28.
|
I
always do the most difficult work first.
|
|||||
29.
|
I
realize that people will have different working styles.
|
|||||
30.
|
I
need interesting colleagues to make my job interesting.
|
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31.
|
I
always like to be aware of my emotions.
|
|||||
32.
|
I
don’t let stressful situations affect me or my work.
|
|||||
33.
|
I
like bigger rewards later compared to small, instant ones.
|
|||||
34.
|
I
realize immediately if I am being unreasonable.
|
|||||
35.
|
I
like to ask questions to people to understand them.
|
|||||
36.
|
I
speak out if someone has upset or annoyed me.
|
|||||
37.
|
I
rarely worry about life or work.
|
|||||
38.
|
I
believe in instant action.
|
|||||
39.
|
I
realize the reasons behind my action hurting people.
|
|||||
40.
|
I
look at working with difficult people as a challenge.
|
|||||
41.
|
I can
quickly control and manage my anger.
|
|||||
42.
|
I can
suppress my emotions as per my will.
|
|||||
43.
|
I can
motivate myself for better things while struggling.
|
|||||
44.
|
I can
understand things people are trying to tell me.
|
|||||
45.
|
I am
good at ending differences with others.
|
|||||
46.
|
I can
describe things that make me happy.
|
|||||
47.
|
Others
don’t realize how I am feeling.
|
|||||
48.
|
Getting
motivated has made me successful.
|
|||||
49.
|
I
always know the reason that started the disagreement.
|
|||||
50.
|
I
build strong relationships with those I work with.
|
In the
following table, you need to put down the scores you gave yourself against that
specific question number. For example, if the score you gave in response to
statement number 1 was 5, then write 5 beside 1. Complete the table and tally
the totals for each column at the end of the table.
Self-awareness
|
Handling
Emotions
|
Self-motivation
|
Using
Empathy
|
Practicing
Resilience
|
|||||
Scores
|
Scores
|
Scores
|
Scores
|
Scores
|
|||||
1
|
2
|
3
|
4
|
5
|
|||||
6
|
7
|
8
|
9
|
10
|
|||||
11
|
12
|
13
|
14
|
15
|
|||||
16
|
17
|
18
|
19
|
20
|
|||||
21
|
22
|
23
|
24
|
25
|
|||||
26
|
27
|
28
|
29
|
30
|
|||||
31
|
32
|
33
|
34
|
35
|
|||||
36
|
37
|
38
|
39
|
40
|
|||||
41
|
42
|
43
|
44
|
45
|
|||||
46
|
47
|
48
|
49
|
50
|
|||||
Total
|
Total
|
Total
|
Total
|
Total
|
·
If score between 35-50 This
area is your strength
·
If score between 18-34 You
need to improve in this area.
·
If score between 0-17 You
need to give immediate attention to this.
High Social Intelligence:
They always know how to
put important concepts, ideas, or situations in front of others in a concise,
clear, and objective manner. This helps them in putting an honest impression in
the minds of their listeners, while bringing the focus on the task in hand. At
a time when getting more messages across consistently is becoming the need of
the hour, having the skill of making efficient and specific communication with
others is a big advantage.
Another ability that
people with good social intelligence have is to be able to use language that
can express tough feedback and criticism in a more palatable manner. Nobody
generally likes to face criticism, as they consider it to be a judgment on
their efforts. So an employee needs to be properly conditioned to accept
criticism in a positive manner, however giving criticism in a positive manner
in itself is an art that requires great practice and right choice of words.
How a Socially Intelligent Behave:
Socially intelligent
people have the ability to know how to monitor their language in such a manner
that it avoids any conflict in the minds of the listeners. They can identify
words that might create misunderstanding and steer clear of these ambiguous
words.
A person with Social
Intelligence knows that using the ‘I’ statements will show the employee the
issues that the manager is facing and what he is forced to deal with, and also
makes the person being spoken to sensitive to the issues. Using neutral
language will send a positive signal of mutual respect to the listener and a
willingness to acknowledge a different point of view.
Sample the following conversations −
·
Case 1 Team Manager to employee − "You are
always coming late and giving excuses. Your output has been very low this month
and your performance is nothing to write home about. You have not delivered
anything last month and now you face termination from the company."
·
Case 2 Team Manager to employee − "I am
concerned about how I am going to put good numbers on the board this month, as
I haven’t yet received the productivity that I was expecting. I am also
thinking seriously about the punctuality issue of our team and how that is
making us lose productivity. The performance of our team last year was also not
satisfactory and I am under pressure to trim off those from the team who are
not pulling their weight.”
People who
haven’t acquired clarity in speech tend to speak in a cluttered, rambling
manner which clearly suggests that they haven’t yet learnt how to process and
filter their thoughts. A carefully constructed conversational strategy requires
the proper usage of words and also the proper intonation.
Influencing
others needs information to be presented in such a manner that can be easily
processed. It’s also important to present the right picture. Before giving a
statement, it’s always advisable to ask yourself − Do you
say what you mean and mean what you say?
Effect of EQ
on Listeners:
The human brain can
process 500 words in one minute of speech, however most people have a rate of
speech of only 150 words per minute. This means, we have dead-air in our speech that occupies
the time of 350 words.
It’s interesting to note
that the people who are considered to be attention-grabbing and persuasive are
those who can utilize this dead-air time in such a way that the listener
doesn’t get an opportunity to get distracted by any other input.
Dropping one shoe is one
of the methods that skillful talkers use to set up the expectation of what the
listeners are about to hear. This is an effective method of conditioning people
properly so that they can get themselves prepared for some news or information
that they otherwise would have felt shocked in listening. It involves a rather
simple technique of asking a provocative question in the beginning of the
presentation.
While the listeners are
now thinking of the various possibilities of answers of that questions, you
start discussing key points that give a clearer picture on the posed question.
These points must be arranged in a sequential manner and must lead to the final
picture by dropping knowledge in the right places for people to be able to draw
a clear idea. The listener who at this point is thinking about the question,
and is looking for an answer will automatically be drawn towards the
presentation in his search for an explanation. This increases
attention-retention and the message gets clearly absorbed too.
Telgraphing:
Many talented speakers
start their presentation by saying something interesting and attention-grabbing
like, You
won’t believe what happened yesterday.... This is
called Telegraphing − a foreshadowing method that gets people in the
mental frame to participate in a conversation. It gets the listener to think
about the topic and form expectations for the conversation.
Pyramid Strategy:
Another very efficient
technique to use around people who lead teams and feel the need to follow a
structure is called the Pyramid Strategy. It is used as a
clarification strategy and is used a lot in media to provide a structured
information to the readers and listeners. It involves giving a quick snapshot
of the information, provided by giving fast and detailed information that
builds on the initial information.
Examples of these methods
are saying to a group of people, Okay, guys. Here’s what we are going to do. And then, join the actions that are supposed to be taken in
parts or phases that are added in a sequential manner to the original pitch.
This method works well with big teams, where the listeners get a mental comfort
in knowing that they don’t have to analyze things and the speaker is giving
them a workflow in a specific order.
Helicopter Speech:
A new speech technique that is fast becoming famous is called the
helicopter speech. Proponents of this speech technique believe that just like
proper intonation of speech sounds musical to the ears of the listener,
properly intonated thoughts also feel pleasant to the thinkers.
People who practice
helicopter speech start by providing a positive picture of the proposal, say an
investment opportunity. Then they will follow it with a low (the risks of the
investment). They will now give a positive idea, also called an ‘up’
(statistics on the number of people who have benefitted from the investment)
closely followed by another ‘low’ (people who have lost money) which is again
followed by an up (“risks are a part of investments and those who take
calculated risks are the ones who win.”).
This gives a balanced,
matter-of-fact and neutral tone to your speech. The listener will get the
impression that you have given him a fair assessment and will respect that you
have given him an honest, factual presentation. Many salespersons and
investment bankers who practice the helicopter speech have reported a higher
number of positive outcomes in their presentations and proposals, as compared
to those who are pushy and try their best to sell the product.
One can also start describing the big picture and make additions
of the details that the listener wants to hear and learn about. These mental
images play a very powerful role in influencing a person’s thoughts. This is
why leading speakers advise against the usage of cut-and-dry
words and bring in more
metaphors in speech that provide more scope for imagination, but only when
trying to sell an idea or a concept to the listeners.
Facts must be presented
with concrete data, however while trying to express a thought or a concept,
allowing more space to the people to imagine is considered a good idea. They
stimulate the sensory associations of people and invite him to use his senses
to visualize the entire scenario.
Instead of using the
sentence, He
is an architect, one might introduce someone by saying, He
designs buildings. By using this sentence structure, you are not assigning
the person to any specific category, thereby saving him from answering any stereotypical
questions related to his profession. In other words, it’s about respecting the
individuality of a person without having to relegate him to any background.
Similarly, when someone
says, it’s
a stupid idea, he is subconsciously berating the person who proposed that
idea, irrespective of the fact that the decision might not really have been
that bright. A much better way of saying the same thing without hurting any
sentiments and drawing the focus straight to the idea instead is to say, That’s
a nice input. How about we discuss these areas that might not work here? This statement is not only thanking
the person because he took the proactive initiative to contribute to the
discussion, but also drawing his attention towards the areas of improvement in his
plan so that he can work upon it. A person addressed in such a manner will feel
involved in the process and also work out the errors or faults in his idea,
instead of taking it personally and stop being a contributing employee.
There is no plan that cannot
be improved upon, and sometimes it needs more than one point of view to
understand the ways a plan can be worked upon to accommodate all interests.
It’s always advisable to be more collaborative that competitive when planning a
strategy in
a time-bound situation, as improving upon an idea is much better than
bringing wholly different ideas to the table.
Empathy as managerial Tool:
Empathy is defined as “a
state of positive feeling between two people, leading to one person visualizing
the problems of the other person as his own, and offering advice or help
accordingly.” Building strong and lasting relationships come with practicing
the act of empathizing with people and understanding their problems. Gaining
the personal trust and maintaining relationships should go beyond the need of
practical benefits, and be thought of as a part of life. A good manager doesn’t
see his team-members as assets and numbers. He relates to them as friends and
genuinely loves to listen to their problems.
Getting into a comfortable
working relationship with someone is all about understanding what they are,
what their needs are, and how they view certain things. It’s also about knowing
their priorities and how they are dedicated towards meeting them. Social
Intelligence teaches us to view people as pieces of jigsaw puzzle that don’t
give a clear picture just by themselves, if you put all of them in the same
place. To make them look like a whole, the puzzle pieces need to be fit in
their right places, so that the entire picture can be seen.
Conclusion:
Social Intelligence is not an innate quality. It’s not something
people are either born with, or are not, in fact there have been many people
who were born socially awkward but then went on to become prolific speakers and
actors. This proves that you don’t have to be blessed to become a socially
intelligent person. All you have to do is practice the right things and keep
applying them at the right time.
In today’s world, it’s
extremely important that people realize the importance of effective
communication, which is very different from just communication. Communication
is the transfer of information and ideas, but effective communication is the
transfer of ideas in such a manner that it influences and impresses upon the
listeners.
We would all love to be
a persuasive speakers and a great negotiators. All it takes is an interest in
meeting new people and being genuinely interested in knowing things about them.
We hope that after reading this tutorial, you have received a clear idea on how
to be that speaker that everyone wants to listen to. Remember, all it takes is
a bit of practice.
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